Ashes
by cliffrose-acetone
Summary: Levi is a former criminal who has recently been released from prison. Eren is in his final year of high school when the two finally meet.


There is a man upstairs, Eren learns that year, who taps the ash from his cigarettes onto the balcony below. Eren sees it falling when he does his homework in the living room when he's home alone, or when he steps out to water the plants before they die. He hears about the man upstairs from hushed conversations and rumors; apparently a recently released criminal lives in the once empty flat above Eren's. He says that he is reformed, the neighbours whisper, but who will trust a former criminal? Based on the rumours, his convictions range from drug possession to attempted murder. Eren isn't entirely sure what to believe, but he'll be out of this small town in a few months anyway, going to uni somewhere fast-paced and exciting. Who cares about some crummy old man who smokes over Eren's balcony and leaves a little pile of ashes behind? There're never cigarette butts littered all over the ground at least. And the kid has other things to worry about.

But then he's on his way to throw out the rubbish one morning (grumbling a little because he was just about to consider starting a paper he's been putting off for days) when he finally meets the man upstairs with the guesses at first, because although he's never seen the man's face, there's a tell-tale box tucked into the back pocket of his trousers as he gets out of his car.

And then he turns around and their eyes meet and Eren is glad he tied the bag tight because he drops it on the pavement when their eyes meet.

Eren takes a step forwards and then freezes; he's never felt so confused before, and he's had a lot of things to be confused about in his life so far. The man in front of him has triggered something, sparked something in forgotten, buried memories that Eren hasn't even been aware of until now. Suddenly he can remember running to the point of exhaustion, flying through the air on wires, cutting into flesh with two long blades and falling; and he remembers something happening to his arm and then his leg, and he clutches his wrist as if it'll fall off otherwise, bitten off by teeth big enough to crush him-

The man is there in an instant, although he hesitates with his hand over Eren's shoulder, at least until Eren speaks, staring up at a face he feels ashamed to have forgotten.

_"Levi."_

Levi pulls him in and holds him in an embrace tight enough to make breathing difficult but Eren doesn't care. He's going to tear holes in Levi's shirt anyway, clutching at the cheap fabric with sweating fingers. Although Levi looks more tired than usual, he still smells of soap and fabric conditioner and even faintly of bleach. Eren no longer cares if anyone is watching. Let them watch; if this turned out to be one of the last times he got to touch Levi again, he wouldn't give up this moment for anything.

He has questions of course, and so many of them - what was Levi doing before now? Was he really a criminal or was it something he just let everyone believe in order to be left alone?- but he forgets to ask most of them. After he gets rid of the rubbish and makes up some excuse to his mother about visiting a friend, he makes a show of walking outside and around the corner before running back upstairs. Eren knocks and waits, and Levi takes just long enough that he starts to worry that he imagined everything, along with the memories that are still unfurling in his brain. But the man answers the door in a shirt and pyjama bottoms, a change from the collared shirt and trousers Eren saw him in.

When Eren shuts the door behind him, Levi takes his hand and leads him to the sofa. They spend the next few hours together, Levi's head on Eren's lap, saying hardly anything and making up for lost time through touches alone. Eren reluctantly goes home that night and spends the hour before he falls asleep remembering the path Levi's fingers left on his skin.

Eren goes back the next day, the day after that and for the rest of the week. They fall into a life they would have had if they lived together; Eren appears minutes after Levi gets home from work, and sometimes he cooks; he lounges on the sofa while Levi vacuums and cleans something that's already spotless before he joins the boy on the sofa, putting his feet or his head on Eren's lap and silently demanding that his hair be touched.

On Saturday they go grocery shopping. Eren finds a brand of soap that Levi's been looking for since he moved into town and when they get back, they kiss for the first time since they found each other. Levi holds his face first, hovers over Eren's lips and waits for a yes before he leans in. They make it far as the sofa, and Eren hits head on the armrest and Levi freezes; but he laughs until Levi kisses him again and traces the curve of his bottom lip with his tongue. They stay curled together on the couch until Eren's mother calls, wondering where the hell he's been.

Levi teaches Eren to drive. He got his permit late, and since everyone in his family is perpetually busy- his mother with work and his father almost constantly out of town- he hasn't gotten around to even thinking about lessons. But Levi throws him the car keys one day and orders him behind the wheel. The first time, Eren is just glad he doesn't destroy the car. He sags against the steering wheel with relief after he turns off the car and Levi chuckles.

"At least I can see over the wheel without a booster seat," Eren grumbles and the laughter abruptly stops; only next he's being tickled, and it's such a shock coming from Levi that he's defenseless until he cries for mercy and apologises. Levi grins, the first genuine smile Eren has seen so far, and it makes him so happy that he feels tears prick behind his eyes and he turns away before Levi can see. The man just takes Eren's hand and softly kisses his knuckles, but only just as Eren notices Mikasa standing at the door to the apartments, staring directly at them. She turns around and disappears but Eren has already seen the fear all over her face.

Eren feels sick for lying to her. He knows she's suspected something because he can never hide anything properly from her. She has bided her time and waited for him to come to her, but she knows now. When he goes to talk to her and explain, she won't even look at him. So he leaves her alone and lets the dark, rotten feeling fester in his gut until Levi himself sighs and tells him to talk to her.

"Maybe she'll remember," he says, but they both know chances are slim. Eren wouldn't have believed it himself if he hadn't remembered.

She doesn't remember. Mostly, once he stumbles horribly over the words in his explanation, she thinks Levi has done something to him.

"He's twice your age, Eren," she says, her face pinched. He wishes he wasn't the one who put that expression there. "You really think he's not lying to you?"

It gets worse when she brings Armin into the argument. They haven't seen much of each other since Eren and Levi found each other, and that doesn't help him feel any less guilty.

"I don't know what he promised you," Armin tries when Mikasa invites him over, "but you have to be careful Eren-"

"I know him!" Eren snaps and Armin flinches. "I know who he is and I know he wouldn't do a thing to hurt me! What kind of friends are you, if you don't believe me?"

He knows he's crossed the line with that one when they stop talking altogether, but the damage is done.

They at least don't tell his parents, and if they suspect anything, they don't say a word about it. He's cut himself off from everyone except Levi, and even he has people he talks to at work. He and Levi start to have arguments that stop him from showing up some days. Only a week before Eren is set to go out to uni, he shouts something about wishing he'd never remembered who Levi was. He breaks down a second later and Levi holds him, but Eren feels like he doesn't deserve it any more. He hates the mistakes he's made and wishes he hadn't been such an idiot.

And he realises: he doesn't really know Levi at all. Who is he, really? Who is the man that lost an arm to save him? What is it that led the police to arrest him, what did he do that he refuses to talk about? In all those years that they had been apart, Eren wonders, had Levi really not found someone else? It eats at him constantly, and he loses sleep, but he insists that the answers will come, even as their relationship becomes more and more strained.

The next day, Levi doesn't answer his phone or the door, and his car is noticeably absent. And the next morning, Eren feels ill and doesn't know why until he checks the mail and finds a letter addressed to him.

He doesn't open it until he gets back to his room and shuts the door, and he's glad he waits because someone would have found him on the floor, the letter crushed in his hands as he cries and re-reads the last few lines.

_I'll look for you, later, when it's better for us to be together. I won't ask you to wait for me. But remember that I love you._

_-Levi._


End file.
